Hard Stuff

I still cry everyday. I don't know if it's depression, grief, or just processing a whole lot of stuff.

I wish I didn't. I know people wonder what's going on, what's wrong with her??? I can't help it though. I am learning a lot since my house burned on December 3 and my life literally was turned upside down.

I am learning how hard it is for me to show my real need.

I am learning how difficult it is for me to ask for help.

I am learning that it is even harder for me to receive help.

I am learning that Guilt and I are still quite intimate. I feel guilty that I can't function like I always have... Gulity that I can't manage everything and everyone else's needs... I don't like what I am learning but I am trusting that this is a process of yet another phase of growth for me.

Growth hurts, painfully so, at times. But I am also learning that I have real, loving, kind people in my life who want to help me. I am learning that it is okay to show my weaknesses and it is even acceptable when I can't do it all. I am learning the most important thing of all. That I have to let go and let other people in and help me. I trust God but now I am learning to trust that GOd sends people to embody him.... to help carry the burden and to encourage all of us... Only if we will let go and let God do it...